Gut Genug
There is something fun about a FaceTime call and not knowing what to expect from what is coming on the other end. That is usually me with the surprise intro. This call a few weeks ago came with a warm smile and an intro from me: "Well, hello Rev Run," as she was wearing an old school Adidas tee shirt.
That didn't go as well as planned. She had no idea who Rev Run was. So of course, my flood gates opened with stories.
What would a world be like without Run DMC? Of course I started to sing "My Adidas," though I don't remember much other than the catch line, so that didn't go well either. So a world without Run DMC does exist, but it just shouldn't.
After our call, I went on the hunt for Run DMC videos and Rev Run as well. I found a video of how he went from just Run to Rev Run that put so much into perspective. It's not about the money, it's about serving God.
The YouTube algorithm was caught by the Holy Spirit, which took me to hear some real questions to ask God: "God, what do You call me?" "God, can You take away what is blocking me from my blessings?"
And He did not disappoint. It for sure felt like a hard punch at first, but I knew exactly what it was. It was clearing the path.
The email came just before meeting up with some friends at our monthly get-together. I was ready for excitement, yet it came with the generic "We really appreciate all the time and effort you put in, yet you are not a fit for us."
For REAL?
I didn't feel instant relief. I felt failure. But wait — they were the ones who wanted me. I didn't want them. They'd pursued me, asked me to reconsider more than once, put me through a tedious, annoying process. The questions wanted depth, and I had the answers — and it felt good. They assured me this was mine, that the next steps were formality. So the generic rejection wasn't just a rejection. It was cold.
"It's Your plan, God. I do trust in You." I was disappointed, and it colored the rest of my day. The anger built. I was the one who'd wanted to say "No, this isn't a fit for me" — but I didn't. I gave in to wanting someone who wanted me: my skill set, my knowledge. I wanted to be noticed for my work, because I'd been feeling unnoticed in the work I'm already doing. But it doesn't matter what anyone thinks — it only matters what God thinks. Yet in that moment, I went back to feeling like empty dust.
I wanted the money in my bank account again. To give to charity. To order the steak. To treat my family to a vacation. I wanted all of it. But I was about to say yes to something that would have stolen my soul. That is not where God wants me.
So I think of the lessons learned from Rev Run. How his story resonates with me more than I knew. How being an usher in a church defined his true purpose, and the money and fame started to steal who he was. He lost himself in who he thought he should look like. When he turned to God, he saw what he was brought here to do.
So I knew the rest of my day had to follow the simple rule from Matthew 4:19: "Come, follow Me."
The Holy Spirit wasn't done with me yet that day. The Dominican Sisters now have a viral podcast full of good words of wisdom, and that's where He led me next. That day I felt the love of St. Dismas. Sister had said. To summarize-your purpose may not be all good. If Dismas was not a thief, he would not have been on the cross next to Jesus and would not be known as 'the good thief.' He said Yes to Jesus in his final moments and entered the kingdom of Heaven with Him.
Imagine all those hard times and sins are actually working in your favor to get closer to Jesus in these moments. So that day, I felt closer to Jesus than I ever had, and thanked Him for allowing me to fail so I could get closer to Him.
I did the work to let go that night. Not the expected way — the tequila way. Tequila is honest with you, and well, it lets you see things from a different perspective. It also knows when to leave. So between the sting of the rejection and the healing I've found in my writing, I said goodbye to the negative thoughts and took a real look at where I am right now.
And it's a good place. I'm living the life I actually wanted. My days are full — healing and fixing problems, caring for my family and neighbors, serving the Lord through my church and the Emmanuel Community. I get to be present, to make a difference, because for seven years I've been living inside Jesus's plan for me. He is not walking away in this chapter.
So I ended the night on my couch, letting go the way I always do — with music. TikTok had told me this one was going to be the song of the summer, and that night I understood why. I put it on repeat.
Du bist gut genug
Ich weiß nicht, was die Welt dir sagt
Bleib einfach nur du
(K-K-K-K-KitschKrieg)
You are good enough.
I said goodbye and went to bed. The next day I opened my email late in the afternoon to find an opportunity that matched all the good qualities of the rejected one, and it's only 15 minutes from my home.
It wasn't the money blocking me.
It wasn't the liquor blocking me.
It was the fear of another rejection.
It was chasing something that wasn't a fit because I wanted to feel wanted for the wrong reasons.
So today, I am good enough, and God sees the work I am doing. He cleared the dust, and now I only need to "follow Him" for the rest.
When I heard what God calls me, it was faint and repetitive. He gave me a simple word:
"Kind."
So I have been doing His work under the title He has given me, and it for sure is good enough.
References:
https://youtu.be/FSv-VuW-cNA?si=l39SCIiw6gQDwZ-J
https://youtu.be/5fdZGY-Pw3g?si=RJJl6toKb09b_8OE
